Thursday, January 19, 2017

SIGNS YOU MAY BE ENABLING YOUR SPOUSE IN THEIR ACLOHOLISM or ADDICTIONS: Robert Frank Mittiga Recovery Coach

SIGNS YOU MAY BE ENABLING YOUR SPOUSE IN THEIR ACLOHOLISM: 
Robert Frank  Mittiga Recovery Coach

If you suspect or know that your spouse is struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism, you may be at a loss as to how to help him or her. What can you do?  How do you confront the issue?  The answers don’t come easily; after all, it’s not as though you were taught in school how to cope with an alcoholic or drug-addicted spouse. The truth is that in your attempts to keep the peace, maintain the status quo, and do things you think are helpful, you may be doing more harm than good.  Like so many in your shoes, you may be inadvertently supporting–or “enabling”–your spouse’s addiction without realising it.

It’s pretty easy to enable someone, especially when you love the person.  While some acts of enabling are obvious–such as buying alcohol for him or her–others are easy to rationalise away or fail to recognise altogether.  Here is a list of indicators that you are, in fact, enabling your spouse and decreasing his or her likeliness of getting help:

  • You take on his or her responsibilities. Living with addiction leaves little time for your spouse to fulfill his or her normal obligations. If you start changing your schedule to pick up the kids because your inebriated spouse can’t, or if you find yourself completing work assignments or schoolwork because your spouse is drunk or high, you are enabling the addiction.


  • You make excuses. A person struggling with alcoholism or drug addiction often exhibits unacceptable or inappropriate behaviour. As a spouse, you might find yourself making excuses for it: “She’s been very tired lately….you know…work, kids, etc.,” or “I’m sorry he had to leave the anniversary party right away; he’s been feeling sick this weekend.” Making excuses for your loved one prevents him or her from taking personal responsibility for bad behaviour. Your spouse–whose thinking is clouded by the addiction–will often be more than happy to be let “off the hook” by your endless excuses on his or her behalf.  It makes being an addict much easier.


  • You avoid talking about the addiction. Do you avoid bringing up your spouse’s drinking because you want to “keep the peace”? Do you avoid mentioning concerns about your spouse’s heavy alcohol use because you worry what the reaction might be? Your spouse has a serious problem that is not going to go away on its own.  Alcoholism impacts brain functioning in fundamental ways. As a result, your spouse’s behaviour will inevitably get worse, affecting every aspect of your marriage, as well as your family life including your children. Addiction is best addressed by the addict’s loved one, painful as that may be.


  • You provide financial help. Substance abuse takes a financial toll. Your loved one needs money to support an addiction, whether he or she is hooked on heroin or prescription pills. In many cases, addicts also need money to pay for necessities, like petrol.  If you’re estranged from your spouse, you may even be fronting money for basics like rent or groceries.


  • You clean up your spouse’s messes. You may have bailed your alcoholic spouse out of jail after a DUI charge or lied to his or her boss, claiming a bout of the flu was the reason behind several days of missed work. Addicts cannot reclaim their lives until they begin to take responsibility for their choices and behaviours. Cleaning up after your addicted loved one only delays his or her opportunity to become sober and starting their recovery.


  • You use or drink with your spouse. Indulging with your addicted spouse only reinforces the message that the behaviour is acceptable to (and even endorsed by) you. Don’t give in to your spouse’s urging or manipulations to get you to use or drink with him or her. You directly support the addiction. If you’ve ever taken your addicted spouse doctor-shopping or picked up a bottle of wine at the store, you’ve directly encouraged the destructive behaviour.   
ALCOHOLISM and addiction is a chronic life threatening disease and it kills people everyday. It also destroys families, impacts on our society and is the cause of much domestic violence (emotiona and physical) and it seriously impactcs on the emotional development of children, setting them up for all types of lifelong problems (adult children of alcoholics syndrome)

IFYOU ARE THE SPOUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE GRIPS OF ALCOHOLISM OR OTHER ADDICTICTIONS CALL US TODAY FOR HELP AND STOP THE ENABLING AND GIVE YOUR LOVED ONE AND FAMILY THE OPPORTUNITY FOR RECOVERY.  All enquiries are strictly private and confidential. Our programs are home based and we come to you. 
PH 0432 944 027 or email us rmittiga@icloud.com. SKYPE ONLINE PROGRAMS ALSO AVAIALBLE.

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