Saturday, March 18, 2017

UNDERSTANDING SELF-WORTH and SELF-HATE: Robert Frank Mittiga Recovery Coach


Self-worth is how someone defines their value or worth as a person. Many people measure their value or self-worth on external factors, from body image and possessions to acceptance from others and social standing. However, self-worth is about who you are, not what you do or what you have. Looking for your worth as a person by comparing yourself with others is always a losing battle and can have lasting negative effects.

Many people who struggle with their self-worth can easily slip into a cycle of self-hate, characterized by destructive thoughts and often triggering self-destructive behaviour. Self-hate is often referred to as “low self-esteem” or “bad self-image”. No matter what term you use, self-hate is a self-worth problem. If you struggle with these extremely critical thoughts, you aren’t alone.

When someone bases their self-worth on external factors, the result is a distorted view of their own value as a person. 
Common signs of self-worth issues are:
  • ·        Feelings of not being good enough, unloved or incompetent
  • ·        Constantly comparing oneself with others
  • ·        Avoiding people or activities, like social gatherings or school, due to negative        self -perception
  • ·        Intense, highly critical thoughts about your self
  • ·        Being extremely judgemental towards others and yourself

Self-worth isn’t just an emotional issue. Not dealing with thoughts of negative self-worth can often lead to other self-destructive activities, such as intense self-hatred, depression, eating disorders, drug and alcohol addictions, cutting and even suicide. 

What starts out as a negative internal thought process can quickly turn into a pattern of self-hate that impacts every area of your life. Learning how to break the cycle of self-hate and adjust your self-perception is the key to developing a healthy self-worth.

Challenge your inner critic. Everyone has a critical “inner voice” inside their heads that constantly judges and criticizes, like a bully. If you don’t stop this type of unhealthy internal dialogue, over time you may accept this destructive critique as the way you actually see yourself. In order to separate your thoughts from the negative critique, try writing down a compassionate response. 

For example, if your “inner voice” says “You can’t do anything right”, your written response might be “I might not always do everything perfectly but I am smart and capable”. This will help you gain a healthier perspective and stop the negativity.
   Stop comparing yourself. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Nothing will drag you down faster than comparing yourself to someone else. Everyone, no matter how famous or seemingly perfect, has their own struggles and issues with which they deal. In the age of social media and celebrity, the images and lifestyle people portray online are rarely ever an accurate picture of real life.

    Be mindful of your thoughts. Every time you think you aren’t worthy, loved or cool, stop and remind yourself that you are. Your thoughts impact how you perceive yourself and eventually it becomes your reality--that’s why it’s important to stop negative thinking in its tracks.

     Find activities that are worthwhile and help others.

  Try a new hobby, do something nice for someone or volunteer for a local non-profit. New experiences often provide perspective on what really matters, cultivates gratefulness and offers an opportunity to grow as a person.

    Chat with one of our self–esteem recovery coaches. If you need to talk about self-worth issues or just need some encouragement, chat online via SKYPE with a caring and understanding coach. PH 0439 399 809 Email

Comparison is THE thief of Joy!

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